Plugged in and ready to fall

I ended up at the $1.99 Theater at Santa Fe Mall this weekend. Of course, like always- I didn't plan on going to the $1.99 Theater- I was leaving Gwinnett Place Mall when, on a whim, I decided to drive by Santa Fe and see what was up on the Marquee.


I was in luck.



It was a choice between "Harold and Kumar Engage in Marijuana-Related Wackiness," and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." I was leaning toward seeing the Apatow-approved Rom/Com (For the most part, the reviews I’d read about the movie when it was released a few months back were generally pretty positive), but settled on "Harold and Kumar" since it was about to begin in ten minutes.



After buying my ticket from a cute blonde girl who went about her job with all the enthusiasm of a prisoner collecting trash alongside the highway, I made my way to the concession stand and marveled at the number of couples in attendance. Maybe it's just me, but I never considered the $1.99 Theater to be the sort of place you'd take your girlfriend to on a Saturday night.



Look, I know an evening at the movies is fast becoming more expensive than a night with a high class hooker, but what sort of message does it send to your date when you escort her to a $1.99 Theater located inside a "mall" that has more retail carts than actual stores? I’d argue that renting a DVD and ordering Chinese would be much more romantic than dragging your significant other down the urine-soaked hallway of a dilapidated, $1.99 theater for a 9pm showing of “College Road Trip.”



I discussed this with Marla earlier today, and she essentially called me an elitist snob. I objected, but wasn’t sure if she could hear me over the roar of my gold, diamond-encrusted Private Jet.

After reading Jeff Robinov's ridiculous statement where he promised that- from here on out- all of Warner Bros. subsequent superhero adaptations will be "dark and brooding," I've pretty much given up all hope of a decent Superman or Wonder Woman film ever seeing the light of day. I mean- come on. "Dark and brooding?" Seriously? That's fine when you're adapting something like Batman or Watchmen for the big screen, but the grim and realistic approach just doesn't make any sense if you're developing a movie about Aquaman or the Flash.

Take the Flash, for instance- Barry Allen is a guy who slips on a bright red costume (which he keeps in a goddamn RING, by the way), and runs around Central City, beating up talking gorillas and mad scientists. How could you possibly put a grim and realistic spin on a concept as ludicrous as that? It'd be like trying to greenlight an NC-17 rated Garfield movie.

That said, I'd like to let everyone know that I’ve just begun work on my new spec script for Warner Bros. It’s called: "Justice League America: Irreversible." I don’t mean to toot my own horn here, but the scene where Sinestro anally rapes the Green Lantern in a dimly-lit subway tunnel is sure to grab the attention of the script readers over at the WB.

Hollywood, here I come!