Plugged in and ready to fall

You know what I love more than anything on this wacky, screwed up planet we call earth? Making out with my life-size poster of John Stamos. The poster is the result of a magical photo shoot that took place during the first season of Full House, back when Stamos was still experimenting with different brands of space age hair gel. Even though it'd be another year before he'd perfect the “rebel with a heart of gold” smirk that would soon bring a nation of housewives to their knees, there was still a dangerous glint in the man's eyes. A look that immediately let you know that getting too close to Uncle Jessie would only leave you with a broken heart and a pillow case that smelled faintly of Hai Karate. Sometimes when I press my eager lips against the glossy paper and close my eyes- I swear I can almost hear DJ and Kimmy Gibler concocting a plan to sneak out of the house and go to a cool, college party.

Just kidding. Everybody knows I’m all about Dave Coulier. You gotta love a guy who could inspire Alanis Morissette to write a crappy, overwrought Top 40 hit about going down on him in a theater. As far as I'm concerned, that’s just further proof that Coulier is the real deal. A first class P.I.M.P.

I’m still waiting for Dave to turn the comedy world on its ear with his mind-blowing stand-up album, tentatively titled “For God’s Sake, Please Give Me A Job. Seriously, If I Have To Fellate Another Stranger For Rent Money I’ll Kill Myself.”
Mr. Coulier, if this is a just world, then it's only a matter of time before you get the respect that you truly deserve.